Scars
by Harmony'sSake
Summary: It's Tonks' birthday and all she wants is one thing from Remus. Well, one thing he won't give her and another thing. She's doing all she can to get him to give it to her too.
1. Chapter 1

1"Hey Remus, what are you doing tomorrow night?" Tonks asked. She and Remus were the only ones who had stayed after the Order meeting to pick up.

"Nothing," Remus said warily. He was hoping she wasn't trying to bring up the dating subject again.

"Do you want to come over to my apartment? It's my birthday and I'm making some cake but no one else can come," Tonks explained.

Remus looked at her. "I guess I can," he answered slowly.

"Look, don't come if you don't want to. No one is forcing you. I just thought it would be nice," Tonks snapped taking his answer the wrong way.

"No Tonks. It's not that. I want to come," Remus added hurriedly.

"What is it then?" Tonks asked, annoyed. When Remus didn't answer but Tonks could tell what it was by the way he was looking at her.

"Oh that," she said. "Don't worry about it. I don't need or want a present so don't get me anything."

"But Tonks, it's your birthday. I should get you something." Remus sighed.

"I don't want anything! I know you don't have the money to spend on me and like I said, I don't need anything. Besides, I can buy myself whatever I want so you don't have to."

"But Tonks-" Remus started. Tonks cut him off.

"Remus, you know what I want more than anything and it doesn't cost a thing. If you want to give me something, give me that," Tonks said with a sigh.

Remus sighed heavily. "You know why I can't do it. This is a perfect example of why we can't be together. I can't even buy you a birthday present!"

"You know I don't care about that stuff." Tonks shook her head. "We aren't having this argument again and definitely not right before my birthday. Dinner will by at six tomorrow night if you decide to come. I better get going. It's late," Tonks said, slightly upset.

"Goodnight Tonks. I'll see you tomorrow!" Remus called as Tonks left Grimmauld Place. He left not long after her.

The following night, Tonks was taking their dinner from the oven when she heard a knock on the door. She hurried over to open it, knowing it was Remus. She stepped aside to let Remus come in. She looked at him and shook her head as she shut the door. He was dressed in his normal ragged clothes. She wanted to buy him new ones but each time she offered, he refused. He was almost as stubborn as she was.

"Can I help you with anything?" Remus asked as he hung up his jacket. Tonks shook her head and went back to the kitchen.

"Relax, Remus. I'm not going to try anything tonight," Tonks said with a smile as she turned to see Remus standing by the doorway to the kitchen, looking nervous and uptight. Remus relaxed slightly but not as much as Tonks would have liked.

"Go in and sit on the couch. I'll bring your plate in," Tonks ordered. Remus did as he was told. Tonks followed a few minutes later, carefully holding two plates of food.

"Sorry it's not much," Tonks said. She had made the only food she was comfortable making- pizza.

Remus smiled. "It's fine. I love pizza," he said. Tonks smiled and used her wand to turn the radio on softly. As usual, it was on Tonks' favorite station, which played both muggle and wizard music.

As they were finishing up their pizza, Tonks leaned towards Remus and rested her head on his shoulder without thinking. She felt him stiffen and pull back slightly as she did so she immediately pulled back. She should have known he would take it for more than the friendly gesture it had been meant has.

"Sorry," she said, looking to see Remus' reaction. He just shrugged. "I didn't mean it like that you know. I swear I'm not going to do anything like that tonight." Remus just looked at her.

Tonks sighed, beginning to regret inviting Remus. She should have known things would be tense one way or another. "I'll go get my cake," Tonks said, wanting to get away from the tense air for a moment.

When she returned, Remus was looking at the wall thoughtfully. He didn't even move when Tonks sat the cake down. Slightly worried, Tonks sat down beside him quietly.

"Remus, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly. Remus jumped slightly at her voice.

"Oh nothing. I was just thinking," Remus lied.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Don't even try that one. I know you better than that. Now, what's wrong? And don't you dare say nothing," Tonks asked.

Remus just sighed and looked at her. Tonks knew what he was going to say and opened her mouth to answer it but he cut her off. "You deserve a present, Nymphadora," Remus told her.

"It's Tonks, Remus! Tonks!" Tonks couldn't help correcting Remus though she knew it wouldn't change anything. Remus just sighed.

No one said anything for a moment. One of Tonks' favorite songs came on. She began singing softly to it, and surprising Remus sang along. Together they sang:

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And my scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

Tonks looked at Remus oddly. "What?" he asked.

"How do you know that song?" she asked. It was a muggle song, not a wizard song.

"Oh. I do listen to muggle music once in a while. Some of it's not that bad. I like this song," Remus explained. Tonks just nodded.

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

The song gave Tonks an idea. "Remus?" she asked. He looked at her. "Do you really want to give me a present? And it's not what you think it is." she told him before he had a chance.

"What are you thinking?" Remus asked cautiously. Tonks smiled shyly.

"Show me your scars," she said matter of factly.

"No," Remus answered bluntly.

"But why not? You said you wanted to give me something. That's what I want for my birthday. I want to see your scars," Tonks told him. Remus looked at her like she was crazy. "Oh, not _all_ of your scars. Just some of them," she added quickly.

_I tried to help you once  
Against my own advice  
I saw you going down  
But you never realized  
That you're drowning in the water  
So I offered you my hand  
Compassions in my nature  
Tonight is our last stand_'

Remus still shook his head. "Not tonight."

"If not tonight, then when?" Tonks asked, knowing he would never do it. Remus just shrugged. "Why not tonight?"

"Because it's bloody cold in here and I'm not taking off my shirt to show you a scar and freeze to death," Remus told her smiling. Tonks just smiled and rolled her eyes. There was something he wasn't telling her but he wouldn't press for it tonight.

_I'm drunk and I'm feeling down  
And I just wanna be alone  
You shouldn't ever come around  
Why don't you just go home?  
Cause you're drowning in the water  
And I tried to grab your hand  
And I left my heart open  
But you didn't understand  
But you didn't understand  
Go fix yourself_

Tonks jumped as thunder crashed outside her window. She had been too busy thinking to even realize a storm was approaching.

"Maybe I should get going. I don't want to get caught in a storm," Remus told her.

"No!" Tonks yelled. Remus looked at her, confused. "Sorry. It's just that I don't like thunderstorms. They freak me out. Won't you stay here tonight? I'll sleep on the couch."

Remus looked at her, obviously thinking fast for an excuse. "I can't. I don't have any clothes here."

"I've got some of my dad's pajamas here. You'll fit into them," Tonks told him. When Remus still didn't agree to stay, Tonks continued. "Please, Remus. These thunderstorms really scare me. I've been afraid of them for a long, long time! Don't you remember that time I went camping with you and Sirius and James?" Tonks prodded.

Remus smiled, remembering. He, Sirius, and James had been planning a camping trip for a while. When Sirius showed up at James' house where they were meeting, Tonks was clinging to his leg. Sirius had looked at them and grinned. "Sorry. I had to bring her. She just wouldn't let go of my leg. I swear, this girl has a killer grip." All of them laughed and smiled.

The first night they were camping, everything was fine. The second night, a thunderstorm had passed by. Tonks had been sleeping in a tent with Sirius but after Tonks had fallen asleep, Sirius snuck out and went to the other tent with his two best friends. Instead of sleeping through the night like Sirius had expected Tonks too, she woke up screaming when the thunder crashed.

When she realized Sirius wasn't there, she screamed even louder. Sirius and James, who were both very heavy sleepers didn't even hear her. Remus, on the other hand, with his werewolf senses, heard her and ran to the tent she was sleeping in. Tonks sat in the middle of the tent, screaming and crying. It had taken him a while to calm her down but finally she quit screaming and crying. But, she wouldn't let go of Remus and every time he tried to leave, she would get all upset again. Finally, he gave in and went to sleep in the tent with her, Tonks curled up beside him. James and Sirius had made fun of him for a while but no one really thought anything of it.

"Please Remus?" Tonks prodded once more, knowing he was going to agree.

"Fine, but I'm sleeping on the couch," Remus told her. Not wanting to argue more, Tonks just nodded.

"Thanks," she said smiling. Remus smiled back.

_I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life  
I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life_

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters which belong to J.K. Rowling nor do I own the lyrics which are from the song Scars by Papa Roach

Author's Note: I'm back! I haven't written anything in so long and with Deathly Hallows just around the corner, I need to write something. This plot has been floating around for a while and those wonderful plot wolverines decided to attack me. Orginally, this was meant to be a oneshot and much more angsty but I changed thing so there is going to be 2-3 chapters in this. Please review and let me know. Also, there IS a point for that song being in there. You'll see when you read the next chapter! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW.


	2. Chapter 2

1"Why do you want to see my scars?" Remus asked abruptly when Tonks stood to take their plates to the kitchen.

Tonks hesitated before answering. "You know pretty much everything about me because I trust you with everything. I don't know anything about you really. And I know the scars thing isn't a lot but it's still something," Tonks said. Before Remus could answer, she headed off to the kitchen.

Stunned by her answer, Remus hesitated and sank into the back of the couch, unsure of what to do. But, when Tonks didn't return as quickly as she usually did, Remus went to the kitchen to see if something was wrong.

"Nymphadora, why are you crying?" Remus asked, suddenly concerned. Tonks didn't bother correcting him on the usage of her first name nor did she turn from where she was. She just shrugged and continued to wash the dishes the muggle way.

"Tonks, don't be stupid. What's wrong?" Remus asked once more.

"Why do you care?" Tonks snapped.

"Is this what it's about? That I don't care about you because I won't show you my scars?" Remus asked softly.

"Not exactly," she said sadly.

Suddenly, everything fell into place and Remus knew what was wrong. "It's because you think I don't trust you, isn't it?" he said softly.

Tonks didn't say anything but Remus could see tears forming in the sides of her eyes. He walked over to her and swung one arm around her shoulders. "Tonks, I do trust you. You know that."

"Obviously you don't," Tonks said back.

"Don't act this way, Tonks. You know I care about you."

"Why won't you show me yours scars then?" she snapped back. Remus sighed and backed away, sitting in one of the kitchen chairs.

"It's personal," Remus mumbled so Tonks almost didn't hear him.

"Oh, so if it's personal you don't trust me. I've never trusted you with something personal before. Of course I haven't," Tonks replied, her voice sharp with sarcasm.

"Tonks..." Remus said but he stopped, not sure of what to say.

"Don't Remus. Just forget about it, ok? I'm sorry I brought it up." Shocked, Remus didn't try to think of anything to say. Tonks continued washing the dishes while Remus sat still, watching and thinking.

"Where are your dad's pajamas?" Remus asked suddenly.

"What-" Tonks jumped. "Oh, in the bathroom cupboard on the shelf below the towels," she answered. Remus nodded and went to get changed.

Finally done with the dishes, Tonks walked to her room so she could also change. She left her room at the same time Remus was coming from the bathroom. Startled, she jumped. Remus smiled.

"You can sleep in my room tonight. You're the guest and I usually sleep on the couch anyway," Tonks told Remus. Instead of protesting as Tonks had expected, Remus just nodded.

When Tonks was finished changing, she realized she had forgotten something in her room. Though the door was open, she knocked on it so Remus knew she was coming in.

"Sorry, I forgot my book," Tonks told him. Remus just smiled and nodded.

"Why don't you sleep in here tonight?" Remus asked as Tonks was leaving the room.

"Because you're the guest. That's how it's supposed to be," Tonks answered.

"No, that's not what I meant. Why don't you sleep in here too?" Shocked, Tonks didn't answer. She hadn't been expecting something like that. Unfortunately, Remus took her shock as something.

"Or not. If you don't want to sleep in the same room as a werewolf, I understand," Remus added, almost regretfully.

"No, no! That's not it. Of course I'll sleep in here," Tonks told him, smiling. He smiled back, relieved.

"Hang on though," Tonks told him. She slipped her wand out from her pajama pants pocket and pointed it at the bed. Suddenly, the bed started to become larger and double in size before it was finished. Remus looked at Tonks, slightly confused.

"Sorry about that. I'm a bit of a bed hog and I didn't want to kick you off the bed or anything," Tonks joked before walking over and laying beside him.

"I still miss him, you know," Tonks said suddenly.

"Miss who?" Remus asked.

"Sirius," Tonks answered. Remus' expression became cloudy. "Sorry to bring him up like this. I know you probably don't want to keep thinking about him but I was just thinking about how funny he would find this situation. His best friend and second cousin sharing a bed. Just think of the jokes he would make about that," Tonks explained.

Remus smiled. "He would never let us live it down. Even twenty years from now he would probably be cracking up about it. I wish he was here though."

"Me too. But I guess there isn't any use dwelling on what could have been. If he's looking down on us right now, he's probably cracking up and waiting for something to happen." Remus laughed and nodded.

"He's the one that told me about you, you know. I was begging my mom to let me get a tattoo that looked like a full moon and he was there. He said that if I ever wanted to meet his friends I had better not since one of them feared full moons. I asked which one and he told me it was you. After that, I didn't want a tattoo anymore. I wanted to meet you and James that bad," Tonks remembered.

Remus laughed. "I'm not afraid of full moons. I just don't particularly like them."

"I wonder why..." Tonks said with fake confusion.

"I'm really not sure. Maybe it's because I turn into a big, furry monster?" Remus smiled but Tonks could tell he meant what he said.

"Oh stop it. You are not a monster for the millionth time," Tonks told him sternly.

"I'm not? You would think my scars would be enough proof of that."

"I doubt it but how would I know? You won't show me your scars."

Remus sighed and ruffled his hair. "I would show you, Tonks, but..." his voice trailed off.

"But what?" Tonks asked. Remus didn't answer but Tonks could tell by the look in his eyes what he was talking about. It was her turn to sigh.

"Look, it's not going to change my opinion of you. I'm not going to run away screaming either if that's what you're worried about. Things like that don't scare me, Remus. And I know, that given a choice, you wouldn't have those scars. They aren't anything to be ashamed of," she told him.

Remus stared at her. "Are you sure? I don't want you running away screaming." He said it in a joking voice but Tonks knew he wasn't joking.

"Oh, I'm sure. Please?" she pleaded.

Remus sighed and began unbuttoning his shirt. He did it slowly and kept glancing worriedly at Tonks, as if he expected her to start screaming. He wasn't that far off either. When he finished unbuttoning his shirt, Tonks gasped.

Most of his stomach was criss-crossed with scars, some of them newer than others. She now understood why he hadn't wanted to show her. It was truly awful. She had expected to see scars but not this many.

"Oh Remus, I'm so sorry!" she cried, throwing her arms around him. Tears began sliding down her cheeks. She was only now beginning to realize how horrible it must be for Remus.

"Shhh. Shhh," Remus said comfortingly, patting Tonks on the back. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry, Remus!" Tonks wailed.

"Whatever for?"

"Everything! I shouldn't have asked you to show me after you said you didn't want to. It's just so horrible, Remus! You don't deserve this!"

"Shh. Calm down, Tonks. I'm sorry you had to see these. I told you that you wouldn't like them," Remus told her sadly. "But, don't you realize how dangerous I really am? If I can do this just to myself, just think what I could do to you or anyone else?"

Tonks pulled back. "Stop it. Don't even go there. We are NOT having that discussion again. I'm denying that you are dangerous because I know you are. But Remus, I could learn to make wolfsbane. Maybe that doesn't stop you from being completely dangerous but it helps . And I know you Remus. You won't hurt me or anyone if you have anything to do with it," she told him firmly, wiping away her tears.

"But Tonks-" Remus said.

Tonks shook her head. "Not now." Remus sighed in defeat and lay back. He grabbed his book and began reading once more. Tonks, however, did not lay back down. She stayed sitting, looking at Remus.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked after a moment.

"Just admiring your scars," she told him plainly. He shook his head and sighed but didn't say anything more and continued reading.

Without thinking, Tonks leaned over and began tracing one of the more prominent scars with her finger. Remus tensed but didn't say anything.

"You know," Tonks began, "I don't think these scars show that you're dangerous at all. I think they show how brave you are."

"I'm dangerous and you know it, Tonks," Remus said, irritated.

"Did I say you weren't dangerous? I said that these scars didn't show that you're dangerous, not that you weren't dangerous once a month," Tonks snapped. Remus didn't answer.

"Where's the scar from where Greyback bit you?" Tonks asked curiously after a moment.

Remus looked at her like she was crazy but didn't say anything for a moment.

"Or, is it in a place I can't see?" Tonks added hurriedly.

Remus shook his head. "No, it's right here." Remus pulled down one side of his pajama pants slightly so show a cresent shaped scar on his right hip. Unlike the others from long again, this one was still bright and looked like it was recent. Tonks gasped in surprise.

Then, before Remus realized what she was doing, Tonks bent over and kissed the scar quickly. "Tonks, what-?" Remus asked.

Tonks pulled away and shrugged. "It looked like it needed a kiss." Remus looked at her, one eyebrow raised but didn't say anything more. When he turned back to his book, Tonks thought she heard him mutter something like "Since when does a scar need a kiss?" under his breath but wasn't sure.

A few minutes later, Tonks heard Remus yawn. "Want me to shut the light out?" Tonks asked. Remus shrugged. "Only if you want to." Tonks nodded and leaned over to shut the light off but paused, as if she remembered something. She rolled back over and looked at Remus.

"Thank you,"she said, hugging him. Surprisingly, Remus didn't pull away and hugged her back.

"What for?" Remus asked, slightly confused.

"For trusting me," Tonks told him.

"I always did, Nym." Tonks could tell he was smiling and she smiled too.

"Well, thank you for trusting me more. It means a lot you know," Tonks said sincerely. Remus didn't answer. After a moment more of hugging, Tonks pulled away and finally switched off the light.

"Oh, and one more thing Remus. Please don't let that song come true."

Author's Note: I know this isn't my best writing. I'm been picturing this story for SO long and it's turned out NOTHING like I planned. After DH, I'm definitely going to revise it but we'll see. It was supposed to be MUCH more angsty than this one but... Well, it didn't turn out that way. But, I hope you didn't find it too horrible! Reviews are appreciated..

ONLY TWO DAYS UNTIL DEATHLY HALLOWS! REMUS WILL SURVIVE!


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